By Percival “Buzz” Blunderworth, Senior Disruptive Correspondent for True Free World
New York, February 2025 — In what experts are calling “the most ambitious crossover event since the Marvel Cinematic Universe forgot about half its characters,” a woman named Jenny has unilaterally declared Bitcoin as the exclusive currency of JoAnn’s Fabrics, sending shockwaves through the stock market and infuriating coupon-clipping grandmothers nationwide.