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VEGEMITE DIPLOMACY & ZAMBONI WARS: NHL Playoffs Collide with Easter, AAA Wrestling, and the Liberal Party’s 2025 Platform in the Back Alley of a Winnipeg Tim Hortons

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By Lint Biscotti, Assistant to the Assistant Minister of Confusion, True Free World

WINNIPEG (probably) – It’s a quiet Easter Sunday in Canada. The snow is melting, the Jets are mathematically alive, and Vaibhav Suryavanshi just declared himself “King of the NHL Tonight Panel,” despite being a guy with a vlog filmed entirely in the produce section of a St. Louis Sobeys. read more

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The Absolute, Undeniable, 100% Real News Report That No One Asked For

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By Chester “Chicken Nugget” VanderSnark

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The world is in chaos, the crypto summit at the White House has descended into a Trump-backed NFT trading pit, and astronauts are currently stuck in space after SpaceX exploded in what Elon Musk called “a necessary step in our journey to Mars.” Meanwhile, Lady Gaga has caused mayhem at a Florida Panthers game after performing an impromptu halftime show involving a jetpack, two albino alligators, and a shocking cover of 99 Luftballons. read more

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