World Affairs

International Community Releases Statement That Says Nothing Very Firmly

Leaders from around the world gathered Monday to release a joint statement expressing deep concern, cautious optimism, and absolutely no commitment to any specific course of action.

The statement, spanning three pages and translated into twelve languages, confirmed that something is happening, that it is being taken seriously, and that everyone involved agrees it is “very complex.” read more

Economy in Shambles

Market Reassures Public That “This Is All Part of Something”

Analysts confirm the something has a shape, a direction, and no intention of explaining itself.

NEW YORK — Financial markets moved erratically Tuesday before pausing briefly to reassure the public that recent volatility is “all part of something,” though officials declined to specify what that something is, how long it lasts, or whether anyone is supposed to enjoy it. read more

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