WASHINGTON — A federal task force has reportedly been assembled to investigate the unexplained recurrence of the number 67, despite officials admitting upfront that there is “no evidence it matters.”
The investigation began after the number appeared in multiple unrelated contexts: sports stats, page numbers, receipts, and one suspiciously specific headline that simply read “67.”
“We’re not saying it’s a conspiracy,” said the task force lead. “But we are saying we’ve spent three weeks on it and can’t stop now.”
The team has produced several working theories, including coincidence, math, and “the universe messing with us.”
A leaked memo reveals investigators attempted to connect 67 to historical events before admitting they were stretching. One analyst reportedly said, “If we rotate it sideways, it kind of looks symbolic,” before being asked to take the rest of the day off.
Despite mounting pressure to shut the investigation down, officials insist they’re “close to something,” though they cannot articulate what that something is.
At press time, the task force requested additional funding to explore whether 68 is “also acting suspicious.”
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