Our comprehensive coverage of national stories, political antics, and societal mishaps; all delivered with the seriousness of a government report that was clearly written in a hurry.
WASHINGTON — In a revelation that has somehow surprised absolutely no one paying attention, a new True Free World investigation confirms that several billionaire candidates running for office this year are not human, or even alive, but fully ascended liches sustaining themselves through money, influence, and questionable amulets.
OTTAWA — In a travel update already dominating searches for Canada travel advisory Australia, the Government of Canada has warned citizens to “exercise high caution” after reports that Australian wildlife have begun organized, possibly tactical fitness regimens.
By: Chauncey McWigglesworth III, for True Free World
A Normal Day? Absolutely Not.
At precisely 9:42 AM EST, all hell broke loose when Tesla stock plummeted faster than Russell Wilson escaping the Denver Broncos’ offensive line. Analysts blamed it on a rogue tweet from Elon Musk, but unfortunately, Twitter was down, leaving millions to wonder if their bad takes had even been posted at all.
By Penelope “Punny” Thistlewhack, Chief Satirical Correspondent
February 16, 2025 — In a week where Mother Nature and human nature collided spectacularly, the world witnessed a series of events that left us questioning reality itself. From kayakers taking impromptu whale-watching tours (from the inside) to basketball games on aircraft carriers, here’s a roundup of the most head-scratching happenings.
By Biff “Heartthrob” Carmichael, Senior Satirist for True Free World
February 14, 2025 — It’s Valentine’s Day, or as the internet insists, Día de San Valentín, and while love is allegedly in the air, so is mass confusion. From yet another whale swallowing a kayaker to the Eagles parade being interrupted by a rogue marching band, the world is once again proving that romance is best left to the professionals—like reality show producers and Dolly Parton.
By Penelope “Penny” Chatterton, Chief Correspondent for True Free World
Guatemala City, February 10, 2025 — In what historians are already calling “The Day Journalism Finally Lost Its Mind,” a series of events unfolded so bizarre it left Sam Altman’s AI speechless, NBA starting lineups irrelevant, and Whitney Alford humming show tunes at Bath & Body Works’ Disney Princess collection launch.
Gulf of America, February 10, 2025 — In an unexpected twist that has baffled sports analysts, astrologers, and Nick Wright alike, Jalen Hurts’ wife has reportedly predicted the exact score of the upcoming Super Bowl while waiting for a free coffee...
