Investigations We Shouldn’t Be Doing

Long-form deep dives into topics we have no business investigating; conducted recklessly, reported questionably, and published bravely for your enlightenment or confusion.

Investigations We Shouldn’t Be Doing, News

TRUE FREE WORLD BREAKING NONSENSE REPORT

Brought to you by FotMob, Yalla Shoot Live, and whatever’s left of your Amazon account after attackers keep “warning” you they’re stealing it.

OTTAWA – In a bold diplomatic move that has confused literally everyone, Canada has issued a travel advisory for Australia, citing “unpredictable wildlife, rogue barbecues, and the ongoing threat of people named Colleen Jones becoming too powerful in the southern hemisphere.” Officials insist this has nothing to do with last week’s tempête de neige in Quebec, which knocked out Wi-Fi and sent half the country into Wordle withdrawal. read more

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Investigations We Shouldn’t Be Doing, News, Science Probably

The Duolingo Owl Meets Its Fate Amid Asteroids, Outages, and Botulism Fears

By Max “Mad Scribbler” Rutherford, Senior Satirist for True Free World

Iron Mountain, February 15, 2025 — The world woke up to chaos today, as a shocking chain of events rocked everything from global finance to the culinary industry. Somewhere between an asteroid sighting over Greenland and a devastating Dominion power outage, the infamous Duolingo Owl met its untimely demise, sending language learners into existential crisis. read more

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