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WORLD IN TURMOIL AS FOOTY TAKES CENTER STAGE AMID CHAOS

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By Harmon J. Blatherwick

In a year already jam-packed with geopolitical tensions, corporate scandals, and an unprecedented number of bizarre sporting events, the world turned its attention to what truly mattered: a heated match between Milan and Feyenoord. As footy fanatics rioted over an offside call that required six different VAR reviews, chaos erupted across the globe—highlighted by a Delta plane crash, a Southwest Airlines round of layoffs, and the mysterious disappearance of Pam’s Chicken Nuggets from supermarket shelves. read more

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Domestic Nonsense, News, Science Probably

Sports, Storms, and Swallowed Kayakers—A Week of Unprecedented Events

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By Penelope “Punny” Thistlewhack, Chief Satirical Correspondent

February 16, 2025 — In a week where Mother Nature and human nature collided spectacularly, the world witnessed a series of events that left us questioning reality itself. From kayakers taking impromptu whale-watching tours (from the inside) to basketball games on aircraft carriers, here’s a roundup of the most head-scratching happenings. read more

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Domestic Nonsense, News

True Free World Exclusive: Love, Scandals, and Walmart Checkout Nightmares

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By Biff “Heartthrob” Carmichael, Senior Satirist for True Free World

February 14, 2025 — It’s Valentine’s Day, or as the internet insists, Día de San Valentín, and while love is allegedly in the air, so is mass confusion. From yet another whale swallowing a kayaker to the Eagles parade being interrupted by a rogue marching band, the world is once again proving that romance is best left to the professionals—like reality show producers and Dolly Parton. read more

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News, Science Probably, World Affairs

Valentine’s Day Chaos, Whale Attacks, and The Rise of Probationary Federal Employees

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By Chester “Chucklehead” Braxton, Senior Satirist for True Free World

Munich, February 15, 2025 — In a week that can only be described as a fever dream, the world has witnessed everything from kayakers being swallowed by whales to Robert F. Kennedy Jr. accidentally live-streaming his grocery list. Meanwhile, the Daytona Duels concluded with what some are calling “the most controversial left turn in history,” and Andy Samberg has announced his candidacy for something, though no one is sure what. read more

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Investigations We Shouldn’t Be Doing, News, Science Probably

The Duolingo Owl Meets Its Fate Amid Asteroids, Outages, and Botulism Fears

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By Max “Mad Scribbler” Rutherford, Senior Satirist for True Free World

Iron Mountain, February 15, 2025 — The world woke up to chaos today, as a shocking chain of events rocked everything from global finance to the culinary industry. Somewhere between an asteroid sighting over Greenland and a devastating Dominion power outage, the infamous Duolingo Owl met its untimely demise, sending language learners into existential crisis. read more

News, World Affairs

True Free World Exclusive: The Day Google Maps Went Rogue and Rod Blagojevich Became a Jazz Critic

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By Truman “Truth Bomb” Barkley, Chief Satirist for True Free World

Golfo de Mexico, February 10, 2025 — In a series of events that defy logic, reason, and the general laws of probability, Google Maps went rogue, Rod Blagojevich rebranded as a jazz critic, and the world’s tuna supply faced a catastrophic recall. Strap in, folks—it’s going to be a wild ride. read more

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Domestic Nonsense, News

A Penny for Your Pulitzer: The Wild Day News Broke All Reality

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By Penelope “Penny” Chatterton, Chief Correspondent for True Free World

Guatemala City, February 10, 2025 — In what historians are already calling “The Day Journalism Finally Lost Its Mind,” a series of events unfolded so bizarre it left Sam Altman’s AI speechless, NBA starting lineups irrelevant, and Whitney Alford humming show tunes at Bath & Body Works’ Disney Princess collection launch. read more

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