Cutting-edge research, groundbreaking discoveries, and half-understood theories, curated by a team that has seen one documentary and feels confident enough to explain the universe.
CAMBRIDGE — A new report from leading cosmologists has confirmed that the universe is still expanding at an accelerating rate and, according to researchers, the reason appears to be simple: it is extremely anxious.
By Penelope “Punny” Thistlewhack, Chief Satirical Correspondent
February 16, 2025 — In a week where Mother Nature and human nature collided spectacularly, the world witnessed a series of events that left us questioning reality itself. From kayakers taking impromptu whale-watching tours (from the inside) to basketball games on aircraft carriers, here’s a roundup of the most head-scratching happenings.
By Chester “Chucklehead” Braxton, Senior Satirist for True Free World
Munich, February 15, 2025 — In a week that can only be described as a fever dream, the world has witnessed everything from kayakers being swallowed by whales to Robert F. Kennedy Jr. accidentally live-streaming his grocery list. Meanwhile, the Daytona Duels concluded with what some are calling “the most controversial left turn in history,” and Andy Samberg has announced his candidacy for something, though no one is sure what.
By Max “Mad Scribbler” Rutherford, Senior Satirist for True Free World
Iron Mountain, February 15, 2025 — The world woke up to chaos today, as a shocking chain of events rocked everything from global finance to the culinary industry. Somewhere between an asteroid sighting over Greenland and a devastating Dominion power outage, the infamous Duolingo Owl met its untimely demise, sending language learners into existential crisis.
