FBI Investigates Which Office Snack Everyone Secretly Hates, Employees Fear Repercussions

WASHINGTON — In a groundbreaking misuse of taxpayer money, federal agents spent six months trying to identify the office snack that most employees loathe.

The results? Pretzels. Every survey, every hidden camera, every taste test confirmed: pretzels are evil.

An anonymous agent admitted:
“We know this was unnecessary. We also know the pretzels must be punished.”

HR departments nationwide are reportedly reevaluating vending machine contracts.

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