Government Investigates Whether Cats Secretly Control WiFi, Officials Claim They’re “Pretty Sure They Do”

SAN FRANCISCO — After mysterious drops in bandwidth and inexplicable buffering, a multi-agency investigation concluded that house cats likely influence network connectivity.

Lead analyst said:
“We cannot confirm they are evil. We also cannot confirm they are not evil. But look at the way Mr. Fluffy just stared at the router—suspicious.”

This report, costing millions, has prompted cat owners to negotiate treaties with their pets.

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