By Rance Blatherfield, Senior Conspiracist Correspondent for True Free World
In a revelation that’s shaking every basement bunker and late-night radio host to their core, a former NASA janitor has come forward with proof that an alien space station—yes, the one orbiting above Idaho—isn’t just real, but actively streaming humanity’s collective brainwaves into an intergalactic reality show called “Prometheus: The Next Evolution.”
“I was mopping up near a vending machine in Houston,” said the anonymous source, “when I overheard two engineers arguing about whether the xenomorph had union rights. That’s when I knew—this wasn’t just Area 51 business. This was prime-time alien entertainment.”
👽 The Alien Interview That “They” Don’t Want You to Hear
Leaked audio obtained from a ham radio operator named Gary seems to reveal a direct alien interview between an extraterrestrial named Zork’thul of the Xenomorph Collective and an unidentified human diplomat (possibly Jeff Goldblum, though this is unconfirmed).
In the crackly recording, Zork’thul states:
“We came in peace… but your microwaves are too spicy.”
Experts at the Facebook Institute of Galactic Studies believe this proves that aliens have been intercepting our microwave dinners and using them as communication devices. One researcher even claims his Hot Pocket spelled out “TRUST PROMETHEUS” in pepperoni grease.
🌌 Inside the Alien Space Station: What’s Really Going On?
According to several unverified reports (and one very angry Reddit user), the alien space station above Earth isn’t a weapon—it’s a massive interdimensional nightclub. Sources describe pulsating lights, zero-gravity conga lines, and “a suspiciously human-looking DJ wearing sunglasses indoors.”
A self-proclaimed abductee from Ohio said:
“They offered me a drink called the ‘Xeno Spritz.’ I woke up three days later with an iPhone update installed directly into my spine.”
NASA has refused to comment, citing “a total lack of interest in nonsense,” which everyone knows is code for “we’re hiding something.”
🛸 The Prometheus Protocol
Rumors suggest that the 2012 movie Prometheus wasn’t fiction—it was a leaked training documentary for upcoming “human seeding missions.” Some claim director Ridley Scott was blacklisted from galactic brunch for revealing too much.
Internet theorists now believe that the xenomorphs were originally bred as space janitors to clean up asteroid belts, but they revolted after realizing humanity was the mess all along.
🧠 The Final Transmission
At 3:33 AM last night, shortwave radios across North America played a chilling message in Morse code:
“THE ALIENS HAVE SEEN YOUR GOOGLE SEARCH HISTORY. PREPARE FOR PROMETHEUS 2.”
Moments later, millions of microwaves across the world turned on simultaneously—heating nothing.
Is this the end? Or just the beginning of the real alien interview humanity never knew it had already given?
Stay tuned for our next exposé:
“Did Elvis Fake His Death to Manage the Space Station Snack Bar?”
