True Free World Investigation Reveals Billionaires Are Actually Dragons Quietly Hoarding Global Gold Reserves

NEW YORK — A sweeping investigation by True Free World has uncovered what economists have suspected for years: billionaires are not just wealthy; they are, in fact, literal dragons disguised in expensive hoodies and suspiciously heatproof suits.

The discovery comes after analysts noticed an “unusual spike” in global gold consolidation, followed by several tech CEOs being spotted making low, growling noises during shareholder meetings. One billionaire—whose name rhymes with Musk but we’re absolutely not naming him for legal reasons—was reportedly seen guarding a vault “with the enthusiasm of a medieval wyvern protecting its firstborn egg.”

Financial experts say this explains:
• why billionaires keep buying up old mines
• why they hate taxes with the intensity of creatures allergic to human accounting
• why their private islands are always conveniently located near volcanic activity

A leaked memo from the International Monetary Fund describes the situation as “extremely concerning,” noting that several billionaires have begun constructing lairs, not homes. Blueprints show massive chambers labeled “treasure room,” “sleeping perch,” and “do not disturb, shedding season.”

One anonymous Wall Street source told True Free World: “I always thought it was weird how they hissed when someone mentioned wealth redistribution. Now it’s all coming together.”

Government officials are urging the public to remain calm, insisting there is “no immediate threat unless you’re made of precious metals.”

Attempts to interview one of the suspected dragon-billionaires were unsuccessful, as the door to his mansion melted when we knocked. A spokesperson later emailed to say he was “in a reflective mood,” which we assume means sitting on a mountain of gold and purring.

True Free World will continue digging into this story, although preferably from a distance of at least one fireball.